More Will Be Revealed

• More will be revealed...meaning we don't know everything about every decision we make or action we take
• More will be revaled...be open to the outcome, not attached to the outcome. There's some freedom in that, certainly. I'm one who tends to focus on the outcome, I think, and spend some mental reserves pondering all the things that could go wrong.

Trying too hard, perhaps. This is how I used to write my diary -- very subconsciously, like someday a class of 11th graders would be reading it during third period English and puzzling over the meaning. I also used to be so freakin' literal and detailed in my diary or travel journals (that one time I did that) -- what I ate for breakfast (the Count Chocula and Frankenberry made available at my father's house were symbolic of so much of that situation), what specific things I did that day, what kind of day it was ("this was a pretty good day"), and so on. In excruciating details. That diary may be helpful someday if an anthropologist needs to document the life of a 9-year-old dealing with divorce, repressing his emotions, obsessively copying lists out of the World Book and shoplifting candy, paint by numbers sets and Hot Wheels cars. Otherwise, not so good.

So I would like to aspire to more here -- not write for anyone else, at least initially, but write for myself. Flex the left (right?) side of my brain that has atrophied a bit as I absorbed info about dry skin, bad lungs and eyeballs.

• Observe what's around me
• Take note of interesting things
• Think about my life, my surroundings, my path..but not too focused on the future and the path. Because...why? That's right -- More will be revealed.
• Focus energy not on OCD-like musings on the many commuting options before me, but on other things
• Document (but not in ridiculous detail) the next stage in my life. Why is this important? I feel like I've recently turned some kind of corner and around the bend I've found Me as an Adult...making grown-up decisions that feature others in the center of the world, instead of myself. Boise is an example -- I'll miss going, but at age 35, less than 30 days into my daughter's life, for God's sake, should I be in Boise, eating fried everything and drinking draft anything, or should I be here? No, the answer wasn't that obvious to me until about two weeks ago. So, there's that corner.
• I'm going to commit to writing in this every day for a month, and then I'll see where I am.

Bear with me (whoever the understood "you" is in this sentence) as I cover some basic ground over the next days/weeks, just to get myself oriented.

More will be revealed.

// posted by Bill @ 8:56 PM