Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Best intentions
I sat down at the computer and everything last night, ready to write. Then the Internet connection gasped and wheezed and said "I'm sick fix me" but alas, I haven't figured it out yet. Hmm -- we have cable modem for nearly 2 years and no problems. We have DSL for 4 days and there's a sudden virus attack. Co-inky-dink? Perhaps not.
What I was going to write about was this moment I had yesterday, when I went outside around 3:30 p.m. to clear my head after a crappy meeting and a minor run-in with Nicola over finances. I was just generally grouchy and not feeling like talking about more ways we could rearrange our vast debt to try to make it better, and Peggy and I had just gotten semi-worked over in a meeting about the AAO Web site. ANYWAY...I went and bought a Coke and sat on a bench in the sunshine (68 F in San Francisco yesterday), looking out at the Bay. Ten feet behind me was the sidewalk where Michelle and I bought a San Francisco print on my first trip to the city in 1995 (I think that's when it was). In front of me was the cable car turnaround where I hung out with Nicola and other Psoriasis Foundation staffers on a chilly SF night, during some business trip (1998? 1999?). A few blocks back over my left shoulder was Pete and Sue's last apartment, and on the way there you'd go by Ghirardelli Square, where I've been with numerous people in numerous stages of my life. And the museum to my direct left, where I went to a wedding reception. Etc. etc.
The point -- I've come a long way, had some ups and downs, and all those experiences have led me to this instant in my life...simultaneously warming my scalp and cooling my angst while I stare at Alcatraz and the corner of the Golden Gate Bridge and listen to the homeless guy one bench over mutter in a deep voice about "country and western music," "Pepsi" and "blue collar workers." Sounds like there's a song in there somewhere. And this instant is great and cool and weird, because of how fortunate I feel and because of all the times I walked within blocks or mere feet of where I sat, never knowing I'd end up with this blessed life. (Wouldn't it be great if you had a "Family Circus"-style, dotted-line, "Billy goes out to get the mail and has these adventures on the way" diagram of your life's travels, down to street level?)
So, Self, let's remember this, when we are seething over some perceived office slight or overwhelmed by confronting fiscal burdens or just grumpy. Remember to be grateful and thankful for the experiences you've had, and hopeful for what's ahead. Take a deep breath. It's going to be OK, and who knows where the next 5 or 10 years will take you. Enjoy the ride, and look around as you go.
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By the way, happy belated birthday to Jess, one of the planet's nicest people. She's worth a post in and of herself.
What I was going to write about was this moment I had yesterday, when I went outside around 3:30 p.m. to clear my head after a crappy meeting and a minor run-in with Nicola over finances. I was just generally grouchy and not feeling like talking about more ways we could rearrange our vast debt to try to make it better, and Peggy and I had just gotten semi-worked over in a meeting about the AAO Web site. ANYWAY...I went and bought a Coke and sat on a bench in the sunshine (68 F in San Francisco yesterday), looking out at the Bay. Ten feet behind me was the sidewalk where Michelle and I bought a San Francisco print on my first trip to the city in 1995 (I think that's when it was). In front of me was the cable car turnaround where I hung out with Nicola and other Psoriasis Foundation staffers on a chilly SF night, during some business trip (1998? 1999?). A few blocks back over my left shoulder was Pete and Sue's last apartment, and on the way there you'd go by Ghirardelli Square, where I've been with numerous people in numerous stages of my life. And the museum to my direct left, where I went to a wedding reception. Etc. etc.
The point -- I've come a long way, had some ups and downs, and all those experiences have led me to this instant in my life...simultaneously warming my scalp and cooling my angst while I stare at Alcatraz and the corner of the Golden Gate Bridge and listen to the homeless guy one bench over mutter in a deep voice about "country and western music," "Pepsi" and "blue collar workers." Sounds like there's a song in there somewhere. And this instant is great and cool and weird, because of how fortunate I feel and because of all the times I walked within blocks or mere feet of where I sat, never knowing I'd end up with this blessed life. (Wouldn't it be great if you had a "Family Circus"-style, dotted-line, "Billy goes out to get the mail and has these adventures on the way" diagram of your life's travels, down to street level?)
So, Self, let's remember this, when we are seething over some perceived office slight or overwhelmed by confronting fiscal burdens or just grumpy. Remember to be grateful and thankful for the experiences you've had, and hopeful for what's ahead. Take a deep breath. It's going to be OK, and who knows where the next 5 or 10 years will take you. Enjoy the ride, and look around as you go.
--------------------------------
By the way, happy belated birthday to Jess, one of the planet's nicest people. She's worth a post in and of herself.
// posted by Bill @ 8:05 AM 
