Monday, March 14, 2005
Anxiety management
The picture below is of poor Bailey, who has an infected eye (guess which one) and has to wear the plastic lampshade around her neck for a week. Tonight, we took her on a walk around the block for the first time since Friday, when the vet imposed this embarrassment on her. It was a lesson in humility (or humiliation?)...although the chuckles of the neighbors did not bother me too much. Hey, I was just trying to protect Bailey's self-esteem!
I took her to the vet Friday and when I brought her home, cone-headed and all, it was the start of a rather hectic weekend. On top of everything, we've got Bailey banging into walls and furniture and legs. Lindsay has found her lungs and the breath to power them, and there is something about the piercing wails of a little baby that cut right through you. And for me, they provoke a lightning quick flop sweat -- you got me why, but my core body temperature jumps about 10 degrees when I'm dealing with an unhappy infant. The knowledge of baby care I possess from Ella does not prevent it...I may seem calm and self-confident on the outside, but inside (not to mention in all my nooks and crannies) I'm anxious and sweaty.
Saturday was particularly anxious, as Ella was over, Lindsay was out of sorts (although we're not sure what her "sorts" are for someone only 16 days old) and Nicola's brother Erik had driven up from LA to see us. A nice gesture, but he is someone who is essentially uninterested in kids and/or babies, and we were up to our hips in both this past weekend. Lindsay is crying, Ella is feeling slighted (I think), Erik is eating four hot dogs in a sitting and being himself...which is fine and interesting and entertaining, but poopy diapers and burping and breastfeeding just ain't up his alley. I got this tight feeling in my chest, like I couldn't take a deep enough breath, and it kind of just persisted all day. I don't know if it was my preternatural need for everything to be all right...perhaps that was it. Lindsay was being, well, a 16-day-old baby, and Ella was being, well, a 5-year-old dealing with the fact that she's not the center of attention anymore, and I was being, well, an uptight, puckered-up 35-year-old modest control freak. Overstating, a bit. But it was conflict, and god knows how I hate that!
I mean, big deal that Ella was not being completely perfect, like she usually is. She was being 5, and not even a tantrum-throwing 5. Just a bit off her game. We got to spend some time together in the afternoon, and I think that helped. All in all, she's adjusting great, although it's natural and expected for there to be some rough spots. So, dude, take a deep breath, and roll with the punches, and let babies be babies and so on.
Nicola was a huge help, especially late in the day. It was maybe 7:45, and Erik had left and I dropped off Ella (split weekend, which I fucking hate!!!), and I was rocking Lindsay in the nursery and just thinking. And Nicola and I had this awesome conversation about what we were feeling and how things were going and what had happened that day. We connected in a non-Hallmark kind of way, and that's so important to our relationship. We feed off each other and help sustain each other, and it would be unwise to lose sight of something so precious.
Today was Nicola's first day alone with Lindsay, and I say to her: well done! You looked wiped when I came home, but you did it! And we even got a walk in, and gave Lindsay a "bath," and put away laundry, and moved furniture (new sideboard for the dining room coming).
I took her to the vet Friday and when I brought her home, cone-headed and all, it was the start of a rather hectic weekend. On top of everything, we've got Bailey banging into walls and furniture and legs. Lindsay has found her lungs and the breath to power them, and there is something about the piercing wails of a little baby that cut right through you. And for me, they provoke a lightning quick flop sweat -- you got me why, but my core body temperature jumps about 10 degrees when I'm dealing with an unhappy infant. The knowledge of baby care I possess from Ella does not prevent it...I may seem calm and self-confident on the outside, but inside (not to mention in all my nooks and crannies) I'm anxious and sweaty.
Saturday was particularly anxious, as Ella was over, Lindsay was out of sorts (although we're not sure what her "sorts" are for someone only 16 days old) and Nicola's brother Erik had driven up from LA to see us. A nice gesture, but he is someone who is essentially uninterested in kids and/or babies, and we were up to our hips in both this past weekend. Lindsay is crying, Ella is feeling slighted (I think), Erik is eating four hot dogs in a sitting and being himself...which is fine and interesting and entertaining, but poopy diapers and burping and breastfeeding just ain't up his alley. I got this tight feeling in my chest, like I couldn't take a deep enough breath, and it kind of just persisted all day. I don't know if it was my preternatural need for everything to be all right...perhaps that was it. Lindsay was being, well, a 16-day-old baby, and Ella was being, well, a 5-year-old dealing with the fact that she's not the center of attention anymore, and I was being, well, an uptight, puckered-up 35-year-old modest control freak. Overstating, a bit. But it was conflict, and god knows how I hate that!
I mean, big deal that Ella was not being completely perfect, like she usually is. She was being 5, and not even a tantrum-throwing 5. Just a bit off her game. We got to spend some time together in the afternoon, and I think that helped. All in all, she's adjusting great, although it's natural and expected for there to be some rough spots. So, dude, take a deep breath, and roll with the punches, and let babies be babies and so on.
Nicola was a huge help, especially late in the day. It was maybe 7:45, and Erik had left and I dropped off Ella (split weekend, which I fucking hate!!!), and I was rocking Lindsay in the nursery and just thinking. And Nicola and I had this awesome conversation about what we were feeling and how things were going and what had happened that day. We connected in a non-Hallmark kind of way, and that's so important to our relationship. We feed off each other and help sustain each other, and it would be unwise to lose sight of something so precious.
Today was Nicola's first day alone with Lindsay, and I say to her: well done! You looked wiped when I came home, but you did it! And we even got a walk in, and gave Lindsay a "bath," and put away laundry, and moved furniture (new sideboard for the dining room coming).
// posted by Bill @ 9:13 PM 
