Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Time warp
I was trying to think of a way to describe the way time expands when you are dealing with a crying baby. It's a phenomenon where seconds feel like minutes, and minutes feel like days. Not quite like waiting at the DMV, or any other example where time feels like it's standing still. Because the feeling isn't time slowing...it's time becoming magnified, or something.
A 2-minute screaming jag is just about enough to make you do anything to make it stop. Sadness, helplessness and anxiety swirl together, with just a dash of frustration...or more than a dash in some people, I guess. It's scary, but you can actually get in touch with -- maybe just graze by -- the emotions of someone who goes too far with a baby. I hesitate to even say this, because perhaps it implies an awareness of dangerous behavior that then implies a capacity to behave dangerously. But really, no worries. I'm cool. It's just that in the throes of it, when you can't figure out what to do to help your helpless little one and the screaming won't stop, you understand the frustration, even the desperation.
And Lindsay isn't even really that bad...in fact, she's pretty good most of the time. But I guess today was a rough day, with little sleep and lots of ruckus. I came home at 5 p.m. (a bit early -- caught an earlier ferry) to pitch in, as Nicola had one of those days. You know they are a possibility, but there's little you can do to prepare. Just hang on and ride it out. I arrived, and Lindsay's been asleep all but about an hour since then. Making up for lost time, I guess.
But I've experienced the panicky "What the hell do I do know to calm this baby down?!?" feeling...as recently as Friday, when Nicola ducked out for some errands. I was exhausted, after having been up from about 3 - 6 a.m. with Lindsay that morning, and she woke up right after Nicola left, and she wasn't having any of me. Just wasn't interested. It's weird how your attitude can vary from time to time. That afternoon, I felt anxious at Lindsay's distress, and we got into a nice anxiety/distress loop. Much fun -- I really recommend. And then there are times at night -- 2 a.m., 4 a.m., whenever -- that you should be short on patience and tired etc., but instead I'm serene and calm and happy to be spending time with the Bean. And there is absolutely no way to predict which of these moods will strike...at least no way that I've discovered.
10 minutes and out tonight. Off to sleep and perchance to swaddle/cuddle/shush/diaper [repeat]!
A 2-minute screaming jag is just about enough to make you do anything to make it stop. Sadness, helplessness and anxiety swirl together, with just a dash of frustration...or more than a dash in some people, I guess. It's scary, but you can actually get in touch with -- maybe just graze by -- the emotions of someone who goes too far with a baby. I hesitate to even say this, because perhaps it implies an awareness of dangerous behavior that then implies a capacity to behave dangerously. But really, no worries. I'm cool. It's just that in the throes of it, when you can't figure out what to do to help your helpless little one and the screaming won't stop, you understand the frustration, even the desperation.
And Lindsay isn't even really that bad...in fact, she's pretty good most of the time. But I guess today was a rough day, with little sleep and lots of ruckus. I came home at 5 p.m. (a bit early -- caught an earlier ferry) to pitch in, as Nicola had one of those days. You know they are a possibility, but there's little you can do to prepare. Just hang on and ride it out. I arrived, and Lindsay's been asleep all but about an hour since then. Making up for lost time, I guess.
But I've experienced the panicky "What the hell do I do know to calm this baby down?!?" feeling...as recently as Friday, when Nicola ducked out for some errands. I was exhausted, after having been up from about 3 - 6 a.m. with Lindsay that morning, and she woke up right after Nicola left, and she wasn't having any of me. Just wasn't interested. It's weird how your attitude can vary from time to time. That afternoon, I felt anxious at Lindsay's distress, and we got into a nice anxiety/distress loop. Much fun -- I really recommend. And then there are times at night -- 2 a.m., 4 a.m., whenever -- that you should be short on patience and tired etc., but instead I'm serene and calm and happy to be spending time with the Bean. And there is absolutely no way to predict which of these moods will strike...at least no way that I've discovered.
10 minutes and out tonight. Off to sleep and perchance to swaddle/cuddle/shush/diaper [repeat]!
// posted by Bill @ 10:12 PM 
