Thursday, September 22, 2005
Growing pains
"I just don't feel like I'm getting enough time with you."
With those teary words, Ella broke my heart tonight...and took another big step toward growing up.
It was an emotional evening at times, as Ella struggled with being sad and tried to express to us what she was feeling. To her credit -- she's only 5! -- she thoughtfully expressed herself several times, and the gist...not surprisingly...is that she's struggling with sharing our attention with her little sister. It is a totally normal reaction, and one that, as Phoenix said later on the phone, is good, because the reaction shows that Ella is processing and sharing the feelings, instead of hiding them away. (Yeah, I tried that for a few years after my parents' divorce, and all it got me was trouble.)
Even though I can appreciate the positive aspects of tonight's scenario, it kills me to see Ella sad, and her forthright statement of need...well, that was a weepy dagger to the heart. It dredges up my own guilt over the divorce, which resulted in me being with Ella less than one-quarter of each month. And I don't want resentment to build toward Lindsay, but the connection is unmistakable. Shortly after we got home, Ella, Lindsay and I were playing a blanket on the living room floor. I kissed Lindsay in her ribs, tickling her and eliciting a squeal of delight. Ella's demeanor flipped in an instant, and her sadness began almost right then.
Well, nobody ever said parenting would be easy, right? Kudos to Ella for expressing herself so well -- it only took me until, oh, about 25 until I could consistently be that emotionally honest with my parents. And it's still not consistent! Kudos as well to Nicola for her steadfast emotional support and leadership (I do think that's the right term -- she's the emotional leader of this family).
Photo at left: Ella and Phoenix, aka Grandma Bobo
Random note: Safe passage through Hurricane Rita to my good friend Gene and his family down in Houston. They bailed on an evacuation attempt after making it about four miles from their house in several hours of fighting traffic. They should be OK -- they are 90 miles inland, they've got some friends with them, extra water, beer, an extra propane tank for the grill and lots of cheap seafood (the local grocery store was unloading). Still, I hope that the almighty intelligent design out there has an eye out for them -- they've been through enough this year already.
With those teary words, Ella broke my heart tonight...and took another big step toward growing up.
It was an emotional evening at times, as Ella struggled with being sad and tried to express to us what she was feeling. To her credit -- she's only 5! -- she thoughtfully expressed herself several times, and the gist...not surprisingly...is that she's struggling with sharing our attention with her little sister. It is a totally normal reaction, and one that, as Phoenix said later on the phone, is good, because the reaction shows that Ella is processing and sharing the feelings, instead of hiding them away. (Yeah, I tried that for a few years after my parents' divorce, and all it got me was trouble.)
Even though I can appreciate the positive aspects of tonight's scenario, it kills me to see Ella sad, and her forthright statement of need...well, that was a weepy dagger to the heart. It dredges up my own guilt over the divorce, which resulted in me being with Ella less than one-quarter of each month. And I don't want resentment to build toward Lindsay, but the connection is unmistakable. Shortly after we got home, Ella, Lindsay and I were playing a blanket on the living room floor. I kissed Lindsay in her ribs, tickling her and eliciting a squeal of delight. Ella's demeanor flipped in an instant, and her sadness began almost right then.
Well, nobody ever said parenting would be easy, right? Kudos to Ella for expressing herself so well -- it only took me until, oh, about 25 until I could consistently be that emotionally honest with my parents. And it's still not consistent! Kudos as well to Nicola for her steadfast emotional support and leadership (I do think that's the right term -- she's the emotional leader of this family). Photo at left: Ella and Phoenix, aka Grandma Bobo
Random note: Safe passage through Hurricane Rita to my good friend Gene and his family down in Houston. They bailed on an evacuation attempt after making it about four miles from their house in several hours of fighting traffic. They should be OK -- they are 90 miles inland, they've got some friends with them, extra water, beer, an extra propane tank for the grill and lots of cheap seafood (the local grocery store was unloading). Still, I hope that the almighty intelligent design out there has an eye out for them -- they've been through enough this year already.
// posted by Bill @ 9:27 PM 
