Monday, February 13, 2006
Travel curmudgeon
(With apologies to Frank Deford...)
I suppose I don't have much to complain about, considering thousands of people were stranded at airports yesterday due to the snowstorm in the Northeast. Well, they can complain on their own blogs.
Me -- I spent 13 hours in planes and in airports and 7 hours in a hotel...all for a 2.5 hour meeting at a Hyatt at DFW. Now that was a good use of my time. Some trenchant observations of my fellow travelers (fueled by tiredness and now a very frustrating day at work), observed in Oakland/Denver/Dallas:
I suppose I don't have much to complain about, considering thousands of people were stranded at airports yesterday due to the snowstorm in the Northeast. Well, they can complain on their own blogs.
Me -- I spent 13 hours in planes and in airports and 7 hours in a hotel...all for a 2.5 hour meeting at a Hyatt at DFW. Now that was a good use of my time. Some trenchant observations of my fellow travelers (fueled by tiredness and now a very frustrating day at work), observed in Oakland/Denver/Dallas:
- Hey, rednecks traveling in a six pack: asking if there are SIX UPGRADES available to first class on flight that is overbooked. Um, fuck no.
- Hey, lady who sat next to me and who clearly never flies: "What do you have?" to the flight attendant with the drink cart -- is that for real? This isn't a restaurant with an extensive wine list. Although, to my surprise, this particular jet carried Mountain Dew. Didn't see that coming.
- Hey, parents of that 8-year-old two rows ahead -- what's his deal? He's having a shrieking tantrum, sucking his thumb and hugging a blanket.
- Hey, hipster dude in the Red Carpet Club at the Denver airport: we are not in your living room. Please remove your hand from inside the waistband of your pants.
- Hey, clueless Dad behind me: your kids are screaming. Why can I hear this and you apparently don't care? And please, once we land, use your Inside Voice on your cell phone. It's a piece of electronic communications equipment, not a manual megaphone.
- Hey, Mr. Frequent Traveler: ah, the security line pat-down joke. That's classic! Keep them coming -- did you get a kiss goodnight? did the security person buy you dinner? are you going steady and didn't know it? was the cavity search surprisingly gentle? (I've made some of these jokes myself, and I hereby apologize to all bystanders who heard me. I'm so sorry, especially if you were as crotchety as me.)
- Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Outdoorsy Types in the gate area: must you remove your shoes? Is it now too much to ask to have people keep their shoes on in public?
I got through this minor travel ordeal with the help of Patton Oswalt and David Cross on my nano. Thanks fellas -- I'm sure I'm the object of wrath on someone else's blog, because I was laughing to myself so hard at times.
// posted by Bill @ 3:09 PM 
